You Control the Outcomes in Your Life

Clint Oka
4 min readSep 4, 2020


Photo by Konstantin Dyadyun on Unsplash

Have you ever tried to pick up a hobby and failed?

Yea you stop when it gets difficult, you start to believe you can’t do this and ask yourself why am I even trying?

It’s not going to make a difference.

It happens to me all the time!

But what if I applied that attitude to the game of life?

I don’t mind failing at a hobby, but I don’t want to fail at life.

I struggle to find my self-efficacy, the belief that my actions will affect the results of my effort. That belief, that you are in control of your destiny, provides you with the foundation and motivation for taking action to succeed in life.

I don’t allow myself to tell myself that life just happened to me, it was out of my control. Many things happen in life that shake up our very existence. And there are some people with terrible situations, so it’s hard for me to write this blog because I can’t fully understand what that’s like.

But I do know that good self-efficacy can’t hurt. So for the people in really bad situations, good self-efficacy can only help.

Self-Efficacy Theory

Self-efficacy theory states that personal mastery expectations are the primary factors in behavioral changes. Further, it suggests, that past experiences and attribution to success to skill or chance result in different levels of expectations.

Meaning our past successes that we attribute to skill will increase our personal mastery expectations. So the more we succeed the more we expect to succeed and thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So how do we develop strong self-efficacy?

Start small

We can start small, be realistic, and no matter what don’t give up. I remember learning how to juggle when I was growing up.

I didn’t know how juggling was going to help me out in life, but I never gave up until I learned how to juggle three tennis balls.

The more small things I succeeded in, the more I attributed my success to my personal skill and the more I believe I could accomplish things.

Which, later, help me to tackle larger challenges like finishing college.

One Large Setback

Most of all I remember the failures, but I realized I have to blow past them and focuses on the successes. I remember the loss of a job, I thought my life was over.

I felt like a failure and anything I did after that I seemed to fail. I got stuck in a rut, where I started to believe I was a failure in general.

Then it snowballed in the other direction, and failure became its own self-fulfilling prophecy.

So how did I get out of it? I’m not too sure, I’m still in it. But what does help is writing all my successes in my journal and giving myself some credit.

It’s all in my mind, and writing these blogs helps me realize what I am up against.

I guess I could pick up an old hobby I was once good at. Talk with some old friends that remember my successes, who give you respect and compassion.

And remember I can do this! I‘ve been here before and I will succeed…


Our self-worth is a factor in self-efficacy. Our respect for ourselves plays a crucial role in developing good self-efficacy.

Loneliness can decrease self-esteem. I try to create a strong support group of friends and family. I try to stay away from people who don’t respect me or put me down. No one needs that in their life.

Sometimes I have social anxiety. People are usually excited about their 10-year high school reunion, but I got nervous because my self-worth and life situation was not impressive, and didn’t attend.

But I did reach out to a select few high school friends and their embrace increased my self-esteem. I also worked with a therapist and tried to work out my self-esteem problems. This seems like distant problems, but these aspects affect the larger picture of my life. To take control of my life, I have to work on these smaller things first.

Expectations Matter

What we believe about ourselves will affect our behaviors and outcomes. Build on your successes and remember all the positives about yourself.

At times it may seem hopeless and nothing is in your control, and there is nothing that can immediately change what is happening, but you can control how you react.

The power lies within you and only you. Believe in yourself and the chances of you succeeding go up. And plus it’s a confidence thing lol people digg it!



Clint Oka